The defiant decadence of dining alone
Dare to say, "table for one, please." It's also one of the best travel hacks out there.
It felt a little naughty. I was flanked by two couples on either side of me. Both were clearly on some date night out, loving love or whatever. And in the middle, there I was cocktail in hand, waiting for the first of my five courses to arrive.
I recently found myself with a weekend alone for the first time in over a year. Historically, this is not a new or foreign feeling for me - I’ve lived alone, taken many solo trips, and have always relished my alone time. But after living with someone and traveling with them full-time for 58 weeks, designated quiet time is few and far between.
Admittedly, I was a little out of practice - What now? What next? What do I do with myself?
It didn’t take long, though. After a few minutes, my introverted self started to revel in my solitude, the night but an empty canvas for me and me alone to color in the evening.
The inertia was heading towards a quiet night in, cooking dinner at home, and drinking the beer already in the fridge. That would have been a perfectly reasonable, money-conscious, and totally enjoyable night.
But no, I decided to be unreasonable. I decided to take myself to dinner.
There were two primary motives. The first was simple - why the fuck not?
The second was attention. There’s a good chance that, if I stayed home, I would have had the intention of doing some very, very necessary photo editing/writing but would’ve actually watched one too many YouTube videos instead and proceeded to resent myself the next morning.
Maybe I’m not alone.
About half, HALF, of all our waking hours are spent being entertained. That’s a staggering statistic. Assuming 8 hours of sleep, the average person gets 16 waking hours. If half of those are consuming entertainment, you barely get eight hours for an average work/study day. With every non-waking or working hour, we’re glued to some sort of screen, being entertained.
I’m impressed and disturbed by the true optimization and monopolization of our time.
So, going out alone also felt like a defiant reclamation of my attention. But I had to give myself some ground rules - no phone, headphones, book, nothing. I wanted to exist with my thoughts.
Taking yourself to any restaurant is fun, but going to upscale restaurants is particularly so. I chose TOMO, a relatively new restaurant in Seattle started by Brady Ishiwata Williams, a chef from Canlis lineage (a Seattle fine-dining institution). It’s set in a former adult video store, the interior converted into a modern, contemporary dining room - picture any interior of an upscale restaurant in 2023, and you get the idea.
The joy of dining alone starts right when you walk into the restaurant.
The host will ask if you have a reservation, and you’ll say no and ask if they have a table for one. They’ll briefly pause and look at you quizzically before showing you to the seat at the bar. Even at the most exclusive restaurants, they can always offer at least one rogue seat at the bar.
People will be immediately confused and intrigued by your presence. You’ll get stares from the date night couples sitting next to you, wondering whether you’re just strange or sad. But they don’t know you. They don’t know you’re basking in newfound solitude. They don’t know you’re a (mostly) normal person who chose to go here alone.
Depending on the atmosphere and the location, you might get some people intrigued enough to strike up a conversation - general questions about why you’re there, where you’re from, what’s the occasion - that sort of thing (it’s an easy trick to meet some folks when you’re on the road).
But not at TOMO, save for the bartender, the Seattle Freeze was in full force that night. Not to worry, though, it wasn’t about them. This was about me enjoying my squash, Dungeness crab croquet, halibut collar, and martini-adjacent cocktail while my mind wanders into whatever direction it takes itself.
The food and drink were excellent, if a little expensive. But that’s what made it a completely decadent, self-indulgent night.
Throughout the meal, the temptation was strong. Every few seconds, a phantom buzz in my pants pocket, urging me to take a look. What’s wrong with a few harmless swipes?
An experiment - the next time you’re out to eat with a friend, family, or significant other, and they go to the bathroom, how long does it take you to pull out your phone? Near instantaneous, at least based on my own experience.
Constant stimulus. We crave it. We need it. And yet, we’re lonelier than ever.
But every time I resisted the siren song of looking at my phone, it felt like a win. One small, incremental victory in reclaiming my attention from the greedy companies that want my eyeballs. No Slack messages, emails, text messages, or content to distract me from myself.
And that’s ultimately what it’s actually about. How to be okay with yourself. How to sit with your thoughts. How to sort the bad ones from the good ones. After enough time, it all seemed to melt away, and I settled into a peaceful flow state of people-watching, dropping some eaves, and observing.
Okay, I’ll admit, I did take a picture of my martini. But other than that, the phone was down!
Some Good Reads
As we’re in the depths of Fall, let’s give some love to the ginkgo tree.
A true horror story: climate change is making beer worse.
If you’re an airline miles/credit card person, you might have seen the hullabaloo about Delta’s recent SkyMiles changes. Related, airlines are just banks now.
On that note, hunting for cheap airfare is a waste of time. I’ll probably still give it a shot anyway.
A great essay from Ted Gioia about beauty.
A poignant and timely essay from Sarah Thankam Mathews .
On a personal note, it’s been a wild few weeks here in Seattle. We’ve been staying with Steph’s family for the last month or so, attempting not to be a complete disturbance while trying to sort out an apartment (and plenty of Fall camping). After quite the journey, we finally found a pretty good spot (hopefully, at least).
And right as we moved in, I got a cold. But alas! I have a tried and true method of defeating colds.
Hot Toddy: Some lemon juice, a tablespoon or so of honey, a few glug glugs of whiskey (brandy also works), and top it off with some hot water. Throw in some sliced ginger and/or cinnamon sticks as a garnish, but don’t overcomplicate it.
This soup, but double the amount of cayenne/red pepper flakes any sane person would typically put in.
A day or so of that combo, and you’ll be feeling great (though these days, I feel like I need to add a disclaimer that this isn’t actual medical advice, and your mileage may vary).
Cheers,
- SR
very much enjoyed stumbling on this, recently found myself in Charleston and took myself to Leon's Oyster Shop where I too was between two couples. Martinis, oysters, fried chicken, black eyed pea salad, scallop potatoes, and hush puppies - probably the most I've ever spent on myself eating out, absolutely worth it.
I’ve been wondering about that restaurant. Interesting that you were able to get in.